NOT the next food network star

of course it's been months since i auditioned for the next food network star, and i promised to fill everyone in on exactly what happened. i was holding out for a last minute call from executives saying that they wanted me, nay, needed me and my cake to save the food network. sooo 3 months later, i've decided to no longer hold out for an eleventh hour request, and will instead spill the beans. so during my 4 minute interview (after a 4 hour wait, a 7 page application, & hours upon hours determining what outfit was appropriate to wear for a tv audition), i was asked my name, what i do, why i want to be on food network, what would my show be about and how it would be different than other shows currently on food network. that's it. no requests to whip up a dish using seaweed, hot peppers and jelly beans; no tap dancing. bobby flay did not walk into the room and challenge me to bake a better cake than him. they didn't even ask me what ingredient i would be. i was so prepared to tell them all about why i am like butter (i make everything better. i am smooth. sweet (most of the time). i am simple yet complex. wink. and i can transform the most basic ingredients into something rich, yummy, delectable and extraordinary, like rich chocolate cake, or buttercream icing)

i suppose they knew what they were looking for and how to find it in 4 minutes or less. oh well. more fabulous things await. i just have to wait for the fabulousness to arrive!